


it's been you since the moment i met you

by philindas



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fitzsimmons as Philinda, Philinda as Fitzsimmons, Role Reversal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 13:03:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11875080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philindas/pseuds/philindas
Summary: The first time Melinda May meets Phil Coulson, she hates him. Then, they become inseparable.Or, the one where Phil, Melinda, and Garrett are the Bus Kids and Simmons, Fitz, and Daisy are the senior agents.





	it's been you since the moment i met you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nessnessquik](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nessnessquik/gifts).



> Happy Birthday Ness! I adore you, and this is for you. The Philinda-as-Fitzsimmons/Fitzsimmons-as-Philinda AU I never thought I'd write. This is just season one rewritten, but I'm open to re-writing seasons two-four as well in the future when I have some more free time. I hope you enjoy it!

The first time Melinda May meets Phil Coulson, she hates him.

They’re assigned lab partners, and they spend more time arguing than actually accomplishing anything during their first experiment. They bicker over the instructions, they bicker over the assignment; they bicker over every topic under the sun. The semester feels endless, but Melinda feels strangely sad to move on from their shared class.

Their second year at the Academy, they’re assigned as partners in combat training, and they quickly realize they work better together rather than rivals. A friendship neither of them anticipated after the disaster that was their freshman lab blossoms quickly, and Phil and Melinda quickly become inseparable- when they’re juniors, they’re semi-affectionately given the nickname _Philinda_.

“Philinda?” Phil asks, raising an eyebrow as Maria settles beside them at the cafeteria. The brunette nods, popping a chip in her mouth.

“It’s your names squished together. Phil and Melinda,” she tells them. They both stare at her, raised eyebrows mirrored. “Listen, that was the best out of the bunch. Garrett wanted to call you guys Mayson.”

Melinda’s lips curl in disgust, and Maria laughs, picking up her burger.

“See? I did you both a favor,” she continues. “I think it’s cute, personally.”

Phil snorts, stealing Melinda’s apple and biting into it. She shoved at him, but merely stole his orange and started peeling it, popping a slice into her mouth. Maria watched silently, chewing her burger before she spoke.

“See? Adorable.”

_

Melinda and Phil’s friendship merely strengthens as she goes into the Operations Academy and Phil continues on to Communications. She spends more time in his room than her own, annoyed by her perky, perfect roommate and preferring the company of his single when his roommate drops out and no one new moves in.

“I want to see the world,” she tells him one night as they lay on the roof, watching the stars. It’s not a new dream she’s mentioned, and Phil watches her, cheek pillowed on the soft blanket they’ve laid out. Part of him knows, even now, that he’ll follow her anywhere.

“Carter said there’s a chance to get on the Bus. Agent Simmons is recruiting,” he tells her, and Melinda’s head whips towards him, dark eyes wide.

“Agent Simmons that worked with the Avengers?” she asks in awe, and Phil nods. She sits up and he follows, watching her. “We need to get on that bus, Phil.”

Phil nods, watching her with what he hopes isn’t a lovesick face. Melinda is his best friend, the one person in the world he truly cannot live without, and he’ll go wherever she goes.

“We’ll talk to Carter in the morning.”

_

“It’s bigger than I anticipated,” Melinda says as they walk onto the plane. _The Bus_ , Carter had told them as she signed their release papers. Their first mission- traveling on the Bus, looking for 0-8-4’s under the command of Special Agent Simmons, fresh off her stint with the Avengers and near death at the hands of Loki, god of mischief.

Phil’s stomach is like a ball of lead despite his excitement. They were brand new Academy graduates, the ink on their badges barely dry. And they were working with _Jemma Simmons_ , Peggy Carter’s protégé herself.

“Look at the newbies,” they both look up at John Garrett’s voice, Melinda’s disgust barely veiled as they walked past where he was cleaning his gun near the loading bay. He gives them a grin that’s honestly closer to a sneer, and Melinda rolls her eyes as Phil just shakes his head.

“Of course that’s the other specialist they chose,” she mutters under her breath as they ascend the stairs to the belly of the plane, peeking into the lab where Simmons worked on their way up.

“He did graduate second beneath you,” he reminds her, and she scoffs.

“He’s an ass though,” she replies, and Phil laughs, nodding.

The belly of the plane has a mock living room feel, with couches and a television, and a kitchen in the back corner. The bedrooms are in a hallway in the back, and Melinda smiles at him over her shoulder.

“Feels like the Academy all over again,” she teases, settling her things in the bunk beside his.

“Yeah, I’m still gonna have to keep you away from the kitchen,” Phil teases her right back, and she shoves at his shoulder.

“So you’re the new recruits,” they look up at a female, British voice- and come face to face with Agent Jemma Simmons herself.

“Melinda May,” Melinda introduces herself first, lifting a hand.

“Phil Coulson,” Phil follows, before pointing at Melinda. “She’s Operations, I’m Communications.”

“Nice to meet you, Phil and Melinda,” Jemma gives them a soft smile, lines by her eyes and auburn hair cropped to just below her jaw. Phil can’t help but wonder what her scar looks like, from the scepter Loki jammed through her body, but quickly shakes that thought off. “Daisy should be here in a moment, she’s the final member of our team, and then we’ll be cleared for takeoff. We’re heading for Peru first. Agent May- you’re free to go learn the cockpit before takeoff if you’d like, it is your plane to fly.”

A taller, scruff-faced man slips by them as Simmons speaks, and Melinda’s jaw drops a little at the sight of him. He disappears into one of the bunks briefly before he leaves once more, heading for the stairs to the lab.

“ _Leopold Fitz_ is on this plane?” they all turn at John Garrett’s voice, and Jemma nods.

“He’s just the engineer,” she replies simply, giving a one-shouldered shrug. “Wheels up in ten, people.”

She disappears down to the lab as Melinda turns to Phil, gaping.

“I thought he stayed at the Triskelion, he hasn’t been an active field agent in nearly a decade,” she murmurs, and Phil nods. Everyone heard the rumors- it was part of being in the Academy, hearing about Agent Fitz and how he’d nearly died on a mission. He’s nearly lost the ability to speak or use his hands, nearly drowning in the middle of the ocean, but had somehow survived.

He’d transferred to a lab at the Triskelion, leaving his partner- Agent Simmons, alone. Not long after, she’d started babysitting Iron Man, and had gone on to shepherd the Avengers to victory in New York City when the aliens attacked at Loki’s command. She’d nearly died for it- and part of Melinda wondered if it was the fear he’d lose his partner completely that had brought Agent Fitz back to the field.

“Go learn the cockpit, Mel,” Phil nudged her gently. “I’ll work on unpacking.”

She smiles at him, nodding- before she goes she presses her lips to his cheek, warm and dry.

He’s touching his fingertips to the spot when a dark haired woman boards the plane, duffle over her shoulder and black tack suit on. _Agent Johnson_.

“I take it you’re one of the new ones,” she says as she walks by, not unkindly.

“Phil Coulson,” he answers, and she smiles.

“Call me Daisy. That Agent Johnson crap makes me feel old,” she replies, and Phil is taken aback at her candor, though he finds he likes it. “Where’s your other half? Aren’t you the new Academy duo? Philanda or something?”

“Philinda,” he corrects, amusement coloring his tone. “Some of the recruits thought it was funny.”

“She’ll kill me for telling, but Simmons? She and Fitz were called Fitzsimmons at the Academy,” Daisy tells him, a wicked smile curving her lips. “It was their _thing_. It was sweet as hell. But you never heard it from me.”

“Why’d they stop using it?” Phil asked, frowning, and Daisy’s face darkens a little, sadness marring her features.

“That’s a story for Fitz to tell,” she answers quietly, shrugging one shoulder and giving him a half-smile. “What rumor is circulating the Academy now? Did he fight a shark? Shoot a squid in half?”

“The shark one is pretty popular,” Phil admits, and Daisy can’t help but laugh, shaking her head.

“Well none of those are true. He’s just an agent with a sad past,” she tells him. “Don’t treat him any differently- Simmons’ll have your head.”

“Telling lies about me already, Agent Johnson?” Simmons appears, amusement in her tone as she looks at the other agent. Daisy beams.

“Oh, you know me, I like a little drama on my airplanes,” she teases, and Simmons rolls her eyes.

“Don’t believe a thing she says, Agent Coulson. She’s trouble,” Simmons face is mostly serious, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth, but her tone was dripping with affection.

“ _Takeoff in two minutes_ ,” Melinda’s voice sounds overhead, and Garrett appears from the stairwell, flopping onto one of the couches.

“Better be a better pilot than she is a sparring partner,” he grumbles. “Spent more time on the ground that actually fighting her.”

“Have you considered you’re just not a very good fighter, John?” Phil asks, and Garrett shoots him a glare.

Phil heads up to the cockpit, knocking. A muffled “Come in!” is heard, and he opens the door, finding Melinda alone.

“Mind if I join you?” he asks, and Melinda smiles, nodding as she pats the empty seat beside her. “So. First big flight. First big mission.”

“There’s no one I’d rather be with,” she tells him, and Phil nods, smiling back at her as he straps himself in, eyes on the horizon.

_

His heart feels like lead in his chest.

Melinda’s face is pale and covered in sweat as she listens to Jemma talk, following her instructions as best she can with only basic Chemistry knowledge. Whatever infection had been in the Chutari helmet was working fast, and every slow, painful beat of his heart meant he was another second closer to losing Melinda. Fitz and Garrett disappear upstairs to grab something, and Simmons is called away by the SAT phone- in the moment of aloneness, Phil smacks the emergency button for the lab and slips inside, sealing the doors behind him.

“Phil- no, get out of here!” Melinda cries, words nearly slurred together, and Phil shakes his head.

“No- we do this together. Just like we do everything else,” he tells her, and Melinda swallows hard, lower lip trembling- a wrench wobbles and then smashes into the lab door behind Phil’s head.

_

“Jumping out of that plane was stupid, and reckless,” Simmons reprimands her once she’s back on the plane and safe, dressed in dry clothes. She leans forward, face softening. “We’d hate to lose you, Melinda.”

Melinda nods, smaller than usual as exhaustion weighs on her shoulders.

Daisy and Phil are waiting for her in the belly of the plane, and Daisy gets up first to hug her tightly.

“Don’t _ever_ do that again,” she says fiercely, and Melinda gives a small smile, nodding.

“I promise,” she replies, and Daisy’s face loosened into a smile as she touched her cheek gently. Melinda turned to Phil after, and didn’t even say anything- merely walked into his arms, letting him hold her tightly.

“Please don’t scare me like that again,” he whispered, and she nodded against his chest, nose pressing to his neck. “And next time, let me save you. Not the jackass specialist.”

Melinda giggled softly at that, lifting on her toes to kiss his cheek.

_

The aftermath of Daisy’s shooting leaves the team scrambling to make sense of things. Melinda’s hands are still stained with her blood, from pressing against the gunshot wound, and they shake as she struggles to open a pack of gauze to clean the red from her skin.

Phil’s footsteps are quiet behind her, but she’d know them anywhere, and her lower lip trembles as emotion wells up inside her.

“Let me help,” he whispers softly, and the damn holding back Melinda’s tears breaks as she turns into his chest, hands held high so blood didn’t stain his clothing. Phil holds her close, letting her cry, and all Melinda can do is hope they bought the doctor’s enough time to save Daisy.

_

“Look at all the stars,” Melinda murmured, laying back against the blanket they’d spread out on the grass of an Ireland coast. Thousands of stars sparkle down on them, brighter than they’d ever been from the roof of the Academy.

Phil just smiles, looking at her, and Melinda turns her head to meet his gaze.

“Is it everything you wanted?” he asked, and her eyebrows knit together. “Traveling the world, I mean.”

Melinda’s lips curve into a smile, and she reaches her hand across the blanket, twining their fingers together.

“I’m with you. Of course it is.”

_

Melinda is at the Hub when Phil finds the private line Fitz had been using to contact someone within SHIELD.

“Who do you work for?” Simmons yells, her gun on Fitz- the engineer hand a gun of his own, trained on Simmons, and everything feels wrong.

“It was a direct line- to Director Carter!” Fitz yells, and Simmons’ face twists.

“You were reporting on us?” Daisy asks, her gun on Fitz, and Phil watches from his place behind the glass door of the lab where he’d locked himself when Fitz had shot his icer at him.

“I can’t reveal my orders until Carter gives the command!” Fitz replied, voice rising in desperation, and Phil watched Simmons swallow hard.

She pointed her icer at him and fired, and Phil jumped as his form crumpled to the ground.

“Fix the hardline. Get it up and running,” Simmons ordered Daisy, face hard. “You’ve got ten minutes.”

Daisy nodded, and Phil opened the door to the lab with a soft swish.

_

“I need to find Phil,” Melinda tells Trip, and the agent nods. Agent Hand had told them SHIELD had fallen- Hydra infiltrating from the inside out, crawling from the woodwork. The Triskelion had fallen, and the world didn’t know where Captain America was.

All Melinda cared about was finding her best friend.

They followed the redheaded agent down the hall, anxiety curling their stomachs, until finally they reached the generator room. The agents in front kicked through the doors, and Melinda’s heart went into freefall until she found Phil, standing behind Simmons and Fitz. Grant Ward, Trip’s commanding officer, was on the ground, unconscious.

Throwing caution to the wind, Melinda ran through the group of agents and threw herself into Phil’s arms, hugging him tightly and squeezing her eyes shut. He smelled like sweat and fear and blood, but he was whole and his arms were tight around her.

“I’m not Hydra,” Simmons tells Hand firmly, and the redhead nods.

“I know. We heard,” she replies, nodding to the receiver one of the agents pulled from behind a tube connected to the wall.

“Who is?” Jemma asks, casting a short look back at Fitz before her gaze returned to Hand. “How deep does it go?”

Hand is silent, and the length the silence stretches tells them all they need to know.

They gather the Hydra soldiers, and run into Daisy and Garrett in the halls. Ward is in cuffs, and one of the agents has to hold Trip back as he screams himself hoarse about what a traitor he is. Garrett’s eyes grow wide, and he looks between Simmons, Trip, and Ward.

Simmons pulls him aside, and explains what happened- Garrett shakes his head. Melinda can hear him saying _no_ repeatedly, disbelief clear in his tone, and Simmons squeezes his shoulder, trying to calm him.

“I’d like to turn the key on his cell,” Garrett tells Simmons- she looks at hand, who nods.

“I could use company for the flight to the Fridge,” she answers. “And he was your SO. I understand wanting some justice.

“Try to patch up things here at the Hub as best you can,” she turns to Simmons, who nods. “And only communicate with these SAT phones. We may be the highest ranking SHIELD agents who aren’t Hydra or dead- not that that means anything anymore.”

She hands the phone to Simmons with a pained smile before she extends her hand. “Stay in touch, Agent Simmons.”

“I believe in these circumstances, you may as well call me Jemma,” she tells the redhead- Hand gives her another half-smile, eyes sad, before she walks away, Garrett close behind her.

Simmons turned to face the monitors, looking at the devastation unfolding around the world, and felt her heart sink to her toes.

_

Their team is fractured- Simmons and Fitz can barely look at each other, the strain of his secret tearing them apart. Garrett is a traitor, having killed Hand on the plane and freed Ward. Daisy is quiet, trying to keep her friends and team together.

“We’re okay,” Melinda murmurs quietly one night as they sit on her bed. Her arms are around her knees, holding tightly, and Phil nods.

“We’re together. That’s all that matters,” he reminds her. Melinda nods, sinking down until she could rest her head on his shoulder. They sit like that, silent but comfortable, until Daisy peeks her head in.

“They found where Garrett and Ward are hiding. We’re leaving at dawn,” she tells them, and they both nod. “Get some sleep.”

She heads for her own bed, and Phil goes to stand, but Melinda’s hand encircled his wrist.

“Stay,” she whispers, blinking up at Phil. “Just until I fall asleep.”

Phil’s too weak to say no, so he simply nods, and shuts the door, sinking down beside her and letting her curl into him, back to his front.

He falls asleep before he can slip away.

_

Phil wakes up in a world of blue.

“It’s peaceful down here,” Melinda observes, looking out the window. The memory of Garrett and pushing the button and the drop into the water comes back to him, and terror shrouds Phil’s heart.

“We’re at the bottom of the ocean,” he whispers, and Melinda nods.

“I did say I wanted to see the world,” she shrugs. “Guess that includes thousands of feet below the ocean too.”

“I’m sorry- I should have gotten you out sooner, I should have known they’d trap us there-” Phil starts, but Melinda shakes her head with a small, soft smile.

“It’s fine, Phil. We’ll figure it out. We always do,” she reminds him, but her smile suggests she knows this time will be different.

As time passes, the pod gets warmer, and it’s marginally harder to breathe. Between the two of them, they rig an oxygen mask, and Melinda realizes they have the components for a simple blast to shatter the window.

“But…there’s only enough for one breath,” Melinda’s eyebrows knit together as she looks at him, and Phil gives a small, helpless little smile.

“You’re a better swimmer than me,” he tells her, and Melinda starts shaking her head.

“No- no Phil you can’t ask me to do this,” she starts, and Phil shrugs.

“You have to, Melinda,” he whispers, and Melinda shakes her head more forcefully.

“No. How can you ask me to do this, Phil? You’re my best friend in the entire world!”

“And you mean everything to me, Melinda. You’re more than just my best friend. Please just let me show you,” he interrupts, and Melinda freezes, dark eyes wide as she looks at him. There’s a pause before Melinda surges forward, pressing kisses around his face, hugging him tightly as a tear tracked down her cheek. “We’re running out of time. It has to be now, Lin.”

Everything is a blur of adrenaline as Melinda puts the mask on and the world explodes in a world of water and noise and rushing motion. She swims as fast as she can to the surface, breaking through and taking panting breaths, holding Phil’s limp body in her arms as she treaded water.

Above her, a helicopter carrying Peggy Carter appeared, and Melinda stretched her hand forward rescue.

_

“He hasn’t woken up,” she whispers, the cold, limp fingers of her best friend’s only remaining hand clutched tightly in her hand. The left had been lost in the blast, and the stump where it was meant to be was wrapped in layer upon layer of gauze. Daisy sat down across from her, face drawn and sad. “It’s been five days.”

“Just give it time. Jemma said his brain activity is good. He’s just taking his time,” the older agent assures her, and Melinda simply swallows hard.

“What if he never wakes up?” Melinda’s voice cracks. “What if he hates me, for telling them to take the rest of his hand off instead of trying to save it?”

“He could never hate you, May,” Daisy tries to assure her, and Melinda lifts a tear-stained face to look at her. “He loves you.”

“I don’t deserve that love,” is her response, so quiet Daisy can barely hear it. Melinda goes back to watching Phil’s chest rise and fall with the help of the machine, and Daisy can only watch for another moment before she leaves the younger agent be.

“How’s she handling it?” Simmons asks softly once the door is shut, and Daisy shrugs helplessly.

“She thinks it’s her fault. Blames herself for his hand,” she tells the Brit- Simmons ducks her head. “Looks a lot like a certain agent about six years ago when her partner was injured.”

Simmons looks up at her, eyes dark with memories.

“We have an agency to rebuild,” Simmons murmured, and Daisy nodded, suddenly exhausted. “Fitz says the Playground is ready to be moved into. We can set up our base of operations there, but I need to see who our allies still are, and figure out who have become enemies.”

“Is it time to bring Bobbi back?” Daisy asks, and Simmons shakes her head.

“No, not yet. She’s uselful in Hydra at the moment,” she answers, sounding exhausted. “I do think it’s time we bring Hunter back into the fold.”

“It’ll be nice to have a fellow Brit in the fold,” they both look up at Fitz’s quiet voice, and Simmons’ entire body relaxes at the sight of him. Despite the earlier thought that Fitz had betrayed her, and learning he’d known about Project Tahiti, Daisy couldn’t help but notice how much more at peace her friend was once Fitz was around. It made her remember the early days of their partnership, decades ago, and the thought brought a smile to her face.

“I have missed his jokes,” Simmons replies, and Fitz gave a small, rare smile.

“You need to eat. I made tea,” he tells her, and Simmons smiled.

“Daisy, would you like to join us?” she asked, and Daisy shook her head.

“Nah. I’ll look after the kids for a bit,” she tells them, shooing them off. “Bring me something later. And something for May- I’ll make sure she eats it.”

Simmons nods, letting Fitz guide her to the kitchen, and Daisy watches with a small, pleased smile.

_

After the nine longest days of her life, Phil blinks his eyes open, and Melinda’s never seen a beautiful shade of blue in her entire life.

“Mel?” he asks, voice heavy with exhaustion and medication, and she’s quick to soothe him, a hand stroking his face.

“You’re safe. We’re at the Playground. Everyone’s here with us,” she tells him, voice soft. “Simmons and Fitz and Daisy and Trip.”

“Garrett?” Phil asks after a moment, blinking, and Melinda shakes her head.

“Locked away. He won’t hurt us anymore,” she tells him softly, and Phil swallows hard. He looks down his body, and his eyes stop at where his left hand should be.

“My hand,” is what comes out, and Melinda grips his right hand tightly between her own.

“They couldn’t save it- the explosion damaged too much,” she explains, words sticking in her throat, and Phil just nods numbly.

“Oh,” is all he manages, and Melinda feels her eyes burn with tears.

“Fitz said there’s a chance of a prosthetic- he’s been working on it non-stop,” she tells him, and Phil just nods again. Melinda bites her lip, digging her nails into her palm to forcibly collect herself. “I’ll go tell Simmons you’re awake.”

Melinda leaves him, and the moment she’s around the corner, sinks to her knees and bursts into tears.

_

Fitz said it would be a few weeks to fit the prosthetic and write the code for it, so Phil would be handless for a while. Melinda finds herself over compensating- where she and Phil had been a smooth, flawless team before, now she finds herself doing his job for him, and only stepping on his toes.

“I’m not useless, May,” he finally snaps one day as she goes to fix his tie, and she stops abruptly, two pieces of navy fabric in her hands. Melinda swallows and backs off, leaving the room and controlling her breathing.

She goes to Simmons’ new office, and knocks. “Come in!”

“Are you busy, ma’am?” she asks quietly, and Simmons shakes her head, beckoning her in.

“Of course not, how can I help you May?” she asks her, and Melinda looks at the floor for a moment before she lifts her gaze and squares her shoulders.

“I’d like an assignment. Off base. Long term, if possible,” she starts quietly, and Simmons’ eyes flash with interest. “I don’t think my being here is helping Coulson heal. I think it’s best if I- if I leave, for a while.”

“Are you quite sure, Agent May?” Simmons asks, tone serious, and Melinda nods. “You know he wants you here.”

“Maybe what he wants isn’t what he needs,” Melinda replies with a shrug and a sad half-smile. “Maybe he doesn’t really need me anymore.”

Simmons looks at her for a long, long moment before she nods once.

“Alright. I have a mission I can send you into- we’ve got an undercover operative at a Hydra lab. I can send you in to join them. How’s your undercover work?”


End file.
